Why is honesty such a lonely word?
by Rachel HinmanDan’s recent blog post about Twitter has gotten me thinking about social connections and the differences in expectations on a PC vs. a mobile phone.
It seems with regard to social connections on a PC, more is better. Linked-in, Myspace, and the like — it’s a good thing to have lots of friends.
Twitter is interesting because it lives with its feet in two worlds — PC and mobile.
I see my Twitter page on my PC = good. I have friends. I’m popular and well-connected.
I monitor Twitters on my PC = fun. Interesting to know what people are up to.
I get texts on my mobile phone from all those people = bad. I am overwhelmed and annoyed with information that isn’t relevant to me.
Interesting. Why good and fun on a PC, but annoying on my mobile phone?
Here are some thoughts:
Inviting someone into your online social circle affords you both the ability to keep in touch, but also earns you a little chunk of social capital. Look — I have 200 friends! However, there’s a tax with that connection — connecting is an implicit way of saying, “You’re important and I want to know what you are up to.” But as we have all experienced, monitoring the constant IM pings, emails, blogs — and then factoring on top of that the ebb and flow of daily life — keeping up with the constant chatter and requests for attention from friends online can be overwhelming.
The constant requests for attention can be overwhelming but the PC affords us a level of control. People don’t carry their PC around with them at all times so the expectations around the requests for attention are different. I “check” my email and RSS feeds. I “log on” and “log off” to IM. I’m pretty free with giving out my email address because I have some semblance of control over responding. The PC affords us a lot of control and in some ways allows us to create an identity that reflects not necessarily who we are, but how we want to be perceived (very social and well-connected — somebody with a lot of social capital).
But the mobile phone is a different animal.
I carry it with me everywhere I go. I don’t give my mobile number out to just anybody. I answer it when it beeps and rings at me. When it beeps or rings, I expect whatever is on the other end of that request for attention to be important. And when it is not, I’m usually annoyed.
In some ways, the mobile phone keeps me honest — or at least my behavior is a more accurate reflection of the social connections that are really important to me. I don’t like getting calls or texts from people I don’t know and I don’t like getting a bunch of Twitters from people that I have a loose connection to.
Maybe that is a key difference between the PC and mobile. Honesty.
Maybe the delta between how we want to be perceived vs. who we actually are and how we live in the world is less forgiving on mobiles. Maybe mobile phones require us to be more honest about our relationships to others. Maybe on the mobile, it’s not about the number of friends, but the depth of the connections to those friends.
Or maybe I’m just bitter I don’t have more friends on Twitter.
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on Monday, March 19th, 2007 at 7:48 pm and is filed under Communication, Experience Design, Mobile.
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March 20th, 2007 at 6:00 am
When is it ok to switch off?
We all have the ability/control to turn off the PC, instant messaging, email and the mobile, but it seems there are different levels of expectation around each of these communication channels.
For example, some don’t see it as acceptable to turn off a mobile phone or even not have one at all. Expectations seem to be changing but are people adapting to that change well?
March 20th, 2007 at 6:10 am
Eh, I think big difference is a practical one: mobiles make noise. PCs don’t. I can’t stand the constant stream of blips, buzzes and beeps that come with receiving Twitters on my mobile. So I don’t.
Methinks that should be Twitter’s next feature: the ability to select how each friend can tweet you.
March 21st, 2007 at 9:20 am
I wonder if we’re compelled to keep our phones on because of the depth of the social connections we have to the people who contact us through them - they are the people we rely on the most to shape our identity.
Whether replying to an email or answering a phone call - a response is a way to reinforce a social connection. But it’s what’s behind the social connection that drives that Pavlovian response to mobile phones. Sure people are social - but why? I think it’s because our perceptions of ourselves - our identity - is shaped by our social connections.
Waiting a couple hours or a day to respond to an email on my PC from a colleague might mean I am an irresponsible co-worker, or not as responsive as I should be.
Missing the emergency mobile call from a family member might mean I was a thoughtless child or that I was the type of person for whom family wasn’t important.
I wouldn’t like to think of myself or have others think of me as an irresponsible co-worker, but I could live with it.
Being thought of as a thoughtless family member - I’ll keep my phone on to prevent that.
I think, somehow, the Pavlovian response to phones and the compulsion to be “always available” is about identity management. We don’t turn off our phones for fear of how it would be perceived by others to not respond or miss an opportunity to reinforce our identity through those relationships.
What do you think?
March 21st, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Hmmmm. Not sure I agree that the always being available to others is quite so key in self-definition of identity. I think boundaries are good, especially when it comes to maintaining control over ones own time with regards to social responsiveness.
If I missed an emergency call from a family member, I’d certainly be concerned about the nature of the call. However, I’m not ready to always be available as a way to feel more responsible. I know family is important and my family knows I know family is important. They also know that sometimes I like to be left alone.
Frankly, I’m ready to feel a slight loss of identity if it will contribute to my sense of sanity.
But then, I’ve been known to sit beside a ringing phone and not answer it.